People that know me now would never have guessed that I struggled with the idea of having kids.

Although my husband and I talked about having 3-4 children—I really enjoyed my life without kids and I knew that once I started having them my life would change forever!

It’s interesting to note that I only focused on the things I would have to give up because I didn’t realize what gifts motherhood would give to me.

Being a mom has completely transformed me for the better.

For one—I am more self-aware. How can I not be? I have 4 mini-me’s running around reflecting my mood and attitude.

They mimic back my words and tone of voice—both positive and negative.

And not only my words but definitely my actions. Robert Fulgrum words are so true when he said “Don’t worry that your children never listen to you, worry that they are always watching you!”

Because of their constant reflection of my actions and behavior I am constantly aware of my strengths and weaknesses.

Instead of running from this—I embrace it and try to work on changing my sharp tone to soft and full of patience. My negative, fussing attitude to a positive and joyful one.

Another way that motherhood has changed me for the better is that I’m a lot more flexible.

In my pre-kids era, I was a stickler for order, structure, and following manuals.

Now don’t get me wrong, I still love order, schedules, and having a plan—But and this is a Big But—I don’t try to live for them—they are just tools that help me fulfill my job.

I don’t get stressed out if my plans get interrupted. I try not to get flustered when I have all the kids loaded in the van and then both twins get poopy diapers or when I finally get the kids to the library only to find I forgot to bring the library books!

Life just comes with unexpected interruptions. And because of my kids I can deal with them a lot better!

Another special gift motherhood has given me is the ability to empathize.

There’s a Native American lesson about the way to truly understand someone else’s perspective, where they say you must walk in someone else’s mocassins first before you can know what’s like to be them.

“Do not judge your neighbor until you walk two moons in his moccasins.” – Cheyenne

Well, before kids, I did not do this very well. I have to admit, outwardly I was a very nice person, but on the inside I was extremely judgmental.

I thought stay at home moms were crazy! I mean I had babysitters and I turned out okay!

And don’t get me started with moms who stayed home and had cluttered and messy homes! What were they doing all day anyway???

Needless to say, I was a bit extreme! I had little grace, no understanding, and not much empathy.

Well the tune of my song has completely changed! I have gained more understanding and wisdom!

I try to avoid using the phrase or thinking “I would never do that…” because too often I have found myself eating those words!!

It’s no fun being judgmental. It takes so much time and thought about other people and I simply do not have the time for it!

Well these are some of the ways that parenting has changed me. How has it changed you? I would love to know your story!

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Have you ever felt like you were too busy for your children?

 “I am reminded of the little boy who one day asked his father, an extremely busy businessman, how much he earned per hour.

When the father at last gave his son a moment’s attention, it was only to reply with irritation:

‘Really, what would you understand of such things?’ When the boy timidly pressed him for an answer, he barked, ‘Let’s say $35 an hour.’

Over the next few days the child offered to clean the swimming pool, mow the lawns, and do all sorts of other chores for spending money.

He even mowed the neighbor’s lawns and washed their cars. He began delivering newspapers, too, and one morning, on his way out for his delivery round, he ran into his father, who was also up at dawn and on his way to work.

The boy grabbed the opportunity to ask his father to wait a minute—he wanted to fetch something important from his room to show him. Impatiently, the father answered, ‘Just make it quick! I’m in a hurry!’

The child came running back to the already moving car. ‘Here’s the $35 I’ve earned so far, Dad. Please, may I buy an hour of your time this evening?’ Dream Giver

Isn’t this such a powerful depiction of a child’s deep need just to spend time with his parents?

And yet, there are so many of us parents who are pursuing our passions and careers that we forget that one of the main ways we can spell love to our children is T-I-M-E.

As a stay at home mom, you would think this wouldn’t be an issue for me.  I’m with my children all day but just like anyone else I have to make sure I’m spending quality time with them. I know plenty of moms who stay home full-time but  are completely mentally disengaged.

 Some are just going through the motions—they are physically present but emotionally and mentally in another place.

When I first started building my business, my mind and every second of my free time was focused on the business.  My business phone was ringing off the hook—and I always answered and made it priority even if I was in the middle of doing something with my kids.

If you work from home I’m sure you can relate! However, after awhile I realized (with the help of my business coach) that at the rate I was going, I could achieve business success but in the end I would be completely bankrupt in all other areas of my life! 

I wasn’t taking the time out for friends, family, faith, personal health—everything was taking a back seat to my business.

I’m so glad that since then I have re-focused my business goals and activities so that I don’t feel like “I’m too busy for my children!” Now I have business work hours and a balanced calendar.   I’m taking time to meditate, relax, exercise and take care of my own personal and spiritual well-being.

I agree with Author Elbert Hubbard when he said “No matter what you’ve done for yourself or for humanity, if you can’t look back on having given love and attention to your own family, what have you really accomplished?”

So if you are like me in any way or like the career-driven father in the story–don’t forget to keep first things first–Your Family Needs You!

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Interesting question, huh? Well are you? You’ve seen those television shows where the parents are trying to live vicariously through their children. They are forcing their children to pursue dance—although their child would rather play sports.

Or maybe they are grooming their child to be a beauty queen/singer/actress—because by golly they are going to have a famous child!

Watch this video to see how bad it can get:

When I was pregnant with my first daughter, Jayda, I imagined that she would become a famous singer. I made sure to listen to all types of music and I sang all the time. I wanted my love for music to pass on to her.

Well, to my disappointment, when she was about 2, I remember singing around the house when Jayda, shouted in a loud voice—“Mommy, Stop Singing! It’s Too Loud!”

Stunned—of course—I did what any good parent would do—I kept on singing! Surely, no child of mine would actually want me to stop! And to my complete surprise, she repeated her request—“Mommy, stop singing—it’s too loud! Mommy please stop!”

And this was not the only time she asked. It became a regular request. Well, I was honestly surprised and shocked! You see, I wasn’t expecting to give birth to a child who would not have my musical interest. I worked so hard during my pregnancy to ensure she would have a love for music!

So what is it for you? Is there anything in particular you are desiring for your child? Dreaming of the next NBA player or Baseball Hall of Famer? Maybe you desire a Doctor or Scientist. Ballerina or Gymnast?

Are you dreaming your child will be a doctor?

“That’ sounds innocent enough, doesn’t it? After all what parent doesn’t want the best for his kids?

 We want them to feel confident, competent, and capable. We want our kids to feel loved, cared for, and valued. We don’t set out to intentionally frustrate them or warp them.

Too often, however, we assume that what is “best” means that our children should live their lives according to the script that has worked for us. Without realizing it, we try to create carbon copies of ourselves.

An often-quoted Proverb lays a foundation stone for effective parenting: Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6

….A more accurate rendering for this verse would be:

Adapt the training of your child so that it is in keeping with his natural design; when he comes to maturity, he will not depart from that pattern of life.” (Different Children, Different Needs p.19)

This Proverb actually advises parents to nurture children according to their nature—to how God designed them to be. Well, now that I have 4 children I really see the importance of learning and observing my children.

I watch them all the time just to take note of how they are wired and to learn their natural bent. Are they introverts or extroverts? Do they gravitate toward technical things or the arts? Do they enjoy wrestling or do they prefer playing quietly?

I take mental notes and sometimes write in my journal all that I am learning about them. It has been such a joy to see each of them grow and evolve!

“As parents, we need to discover our children’s natural styles and help each one grow up according to his unique, in-born, God-given design. As they experience the collisions of life, they will be more prone to return to who they really are, rather than becoming permanently bent out of shape.” (Different Child, Different Needs p.20)

Well, it’s funny. After the incident with my 2 year old, who is now 5, I decided to lay off on trying to make her into a singer. She does enjoy music, but I’m not sure that she will ever become one. And I’m okay with that!

I have to admit, I’m still hoping for a singer out of the bunch…but instead of forcing it I’m just observing to see if there is any hint of it planted in their little hearts …..And I think I just may have one…Watch this video of Anaya (my 3 year old) and I singing a special duet! 

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